When Love is Wrong.....?

What happens when you fall in love with the wrong person? Who warns us how to detect when your heart is falling into the lap of someone who is not ready to accept your gift? As a parent we are so focused on giving our love to our babies that it is so easy to disregard the love that we need for ourselves. I have found being a parent has made me more willing to love, but has taken away some of my expectation of the love I should receive in return. I deserve as much as I give, we all do. No relationship is easy and nothing comes without hard work. Finding that person who will forgive you for your idiotic faults and you forgiving them as well for their misguided conceptions is what is important. This of course would be ideal, but what happens when you find yourself loving so hard and caring so much but not receiving it in return? How do you stop?

We are taught as mothers to love unconditionally. If our children yelled they hated us and spit in our faces as adults we would be there for them like the father of the prodigal son when they returned. This is how we are made as mothers. But then we are told that is not acceptable in romantic love, that you cannot take, take, take until you are beaten down to a pulp. In fact, romantic love should always be perfect bliss.... but its not.... in the real world people go through their issues and what matters is when all those things are past you all can still have the same relationship you did prior. And better yet if it is stronger than it was before! 

I fell in love. For the longest I have been telling myself it was with the wrong person but now I see it differently. It wasn’t the person who was wrong it was the timing. I feel like one day we could be together and HAPPY. For now I have to give the needed space and love in spite of the differences or events, because I’m a mother and I have learned what unconditional love means. Maybe I have learned it sooner than some, but it isn’t a form of love that is unlearnable by those who are not parents. They just have to have the desire to be taught.

Healing Part 2

“Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it.” – Tori Amos

No one is saying that choosing to heal is easy… but it is a choice, and yes, it does take courage. But why put off for later what you so desperately need now? The past is gone and the present is all you have. What’s coming to you is the future… wouldn’t it be nice to look out for your future self and do the hard stuff now? Trust me, you will be thankful you did.

Take courage. Try. No excuses. Your wellbeing and long term happiness is your reason why. Choose to be healed today.

I took this from the blog connected with Daddy Broke My Heart Project. There site is:

http://keilaharris.wordpress.com/2013/01/30/courage-to-heal

&

www.dbmhproject.org

Dysfunctional Love

This is a poem I wrote three years ago as a daughter to her father. Now that I have a son I can only imagine the hurt he will feel from his father not being there when he is older. I am thankful every day that I had a boy though. Because a girl without her dad is a girl without a definition of love, a boy without a dad is a boy w/o a hero, but at least another hero can take his place.


"Dysfunctional Love"

My first love was my daddy, he held my heart in his hands.
When he sat and listened he taught me love understands.
My first love was my father, I was daddy’s little girl,
When he gave me his time, He was giving me the world,
My first love was dad, my earliest memories revolved around him,
I’d give him my all if he asked me, doting to his every whim,
My first love let me down, When he walked away that day,
HE taught me try as hard as you will, but love won’t stay,
My first love scarred me, gave me this new perception,
That to love means to hurt, to have to live with deception,
My first love took a part of my heart, and was too selfish to see,
While he was hurting my mother, he was slowly killing that piece of me,
My first love let me invest in him, Trying to build up a hopeless case,
Let me love him so much, while he lied to my face,
My first love is still out there, determined to the end he wasn't wrong,
I try to work out my issues, so the damage wont be prolonged,
My first love hardly calls, but I’ve learned to cope,
He taught me well that love revolves around hope,
My first love is fading from my mind, but he’ll always remain,
As the one who seemingly unconsciously gave love a bad name,
My first love showed me something, And now Im aware,
Any man who in any way resembles my first Love to BEWARE
And dad I hope one day you read this and things change for the good
Instead of you thinking this is just another time you’ve been misunderstood,
My daddy, my father, my friend, you were all of the above,
But you also were the man who was my first dysfunctional love.

I love you dad. I wish you knew how to love me.


11/18/09