"Daycare"

I was raised with a mother who was always at home. She was a homemaker and as I grew older I decided I wanted that for my children as well. I thought it was very important for me to be there and raise my children when the time came for me to have a family. My husband would go to work with a packed lunch I had made for him wearing a suit, carrying a suitcase and kissing me as he walked out the door. Does that sound old fashion to you? Well, it is. There was nothing wrong with me having that desire, but unfortunately in many cases now that isn't happening in the homes of our society. Despite it not being a mainstream idea anymore I wanted it badly. My life as a dedicated mother and wife would be the most fulfilling of them all. So tell me... WHY did i just come back from a interview at a daycare that I will more than likely be taking my son to? 

       Life happens. Things change. As much as it kills me I cannot do what I wanted so badly too and raise my child without outside help. My husband isn't coming home with his suit jacket over his arm and handing me a check. In fact, where is my husband? I do not have one and the father of my child isn’t even around. What I thought would be a love that blossomed into a loving home was just my desire for something beautiful blinding me from seeing the awful truth. Which leads back to me having to put my son in daycare! 

Don’t get me wrong not all daycare facilities are bad. It isn’t that everyone out there is a creep and i have to protect my child. It’s just the feeling of not being able to do your job as a mother and raise your child. That someone else has to help you do your job. Not to mention the fact all the bad habits my son will pick up from the other kids at the daycare and make my job harder at disciplining him properly. 

In the end I have to remind myself that I am doing everything I can for my boy. If I could stay at home with him I most certainly would. I have to remind myself that the reason I am leaving is not because I want to leave him, but because I have to. Everything I do is so he can live happily and comfortably. I also have to remember that I am being his mother AND his father. I am the man coming home from work with the check in hand and I am also the mother sending her child off to school with a kiss. This does not make me by no means less than a mother who just stays home. In fact, it makes me stronger. While he is in daycare I will strive to be able to one day stay home and be a full-time mother, but until then I will make it my business to find the best daycare there is to care for my son while I work to make both our lives good. Daycare isn’t the end. It is just the beginning and I have to start some where.